Exactly. Not. My. Point. -> Thousand…

Exactly. Not. My. Point.

Writing

Poetry

» Thousand…

Add/Remove Favorites | Track this topic | Email this topic | Print this topic

Kaylee McKell	Posted: Sep 23 2009, 06:18 PM
Lite Member Group: Undecided Posts: 50 Joined: 23-September 09 Member No.: 38	A thousand words I wish to say A thousand words for you to hear A thousand words for a single day A thousand words that create fear A thousand ways in my mind A thousand ways to say A thousand ways I need to find A thousand ways for a single day A thousand heartbeats in my ear A thousand heartbeats that ring A thousand heartbeats for you to hear A thousand heartbeats that sing A thousand tears to fall A thousand tears to see A thousand tears stand tall A thousand tears for me A thousand wishes left behind A thousand wishes left undone A thousand wishes you need to find A thousand wishes die in the sun So many things exist in here And all through out this single day A thousand things are left up to fear, And yet, I find no words left to say.

Espen Lee Tennant	Posted: Sep 23 2009, 09:09 PM
Paragon Group: Author Posts: 1,176 Joined: 26-February 08 Member No.: 3	For a first submitted, this is impressive. Its generally hard to give critique on poetry, because its not a strict art form at all, and can be quite close to people's hearts. So, since there is rarely a 'wrong' in poetry, I'll point out what I liked. The repetition was used well, each stanza with its own beginning. Rhymes! I love rhyming poetry! The last stanza breaking from the repeating was a nice touche too. -------------------- Spokesman elect, scholar, emo poet, and all around nice guy... more or less "I have complete confidence in the absurdity of whatever's going on right now" --John Stewart "A little humor in the greyness helps." ~May S. Cyrus

Zanti El	Posted: Oct 11 2009, 04:50 PM
Lite Member Group: Conversationalist Posts: 51 Joined: 13-June 09 Member No.: 26	i really like it. Except for one thing. This is kinda picky though, i don't like the syllable add up in each line. I like syllables to match per line so that it flows with the tongue better.

Kaylee McKell Offline

Posted: Oct 24 2009, 08:23 PM

Lite Member
Group Icon

Group: Undecided
Posts: 50
Joined: 23-September 09
Member No.: 38

QUOTE (Zanti El @ Oct 11 2009, 03:50 PM)

i really like it. Except for one thing. This is kinda picky though, i don't like the syllable add up in each line. I like syllables to match per line so that it flows with the tongue better.

I'm the same way actually. I just couldn't get it to fit and it bothered me. Suggestions?

1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)

0 Members:

« Next Oldest | Poetry | Next Newest »