Icarus E. Amatsu
21st July 2008 - 06:25 PM
QUOTE (Rodney Di @ Jul 20 2008, 10:01 PM)
The Procedure
By Rodney Di
Beautiful life
Conceived in love
Fertile existence
Precious to God
Horror struck
The procedure done
Beautiful life
Ended with simplicity
Heartfelt sadness
Mourning the loss
Living spirit
Stricken from life
Heavenly gift
Return to sender
Forever mourning
The little life
Wow. This is great.
I'm not sure, correct me if I'm mistaken, but is this an abortion/Dead-on-arrival birth poem?
Or maybe I just think it is and everyone's laughing at me
This is really good! I eagerly await further poetry submissions.
Rodney Di
24th July 2008 - 01:56 AM
| QUOTE (Icarus E. Amatsu @ Jul 21 2008, 05:25 PM) |
Wow. This is great.
I'm not sure, correct me if I'm mistaken, but is this an abortion/Dead-on-arrival birth poem?
Or maybe I just think it is and everyone's laughing at me
This is really good! I eagerly await further poetry submissions. |
It is about abortion. My brother found out the day I wrote it that his soon to be ex wife had a scheduled abortion. This poem will forever hold how I feel whenever I think about what she did.
Julian Stilton
24th July 2008 - 03:15 PM
Well, I quite like this poem. Unfortunately, I can't really name many of the specific reasons why I do. The thin stanzas lend an appropriate solemn and sort of... empty quality to the poem. I like all the stanzas, they're wonderfully phrased, and my favorite is number six.
Good job. I can't really find anything else to say.
Well, I just realized that the poem, according to how I interpreted it, especially the emptiness, your poem is a concrete poem, because the spacing between the stanzas reflects upon the poem itself.
Icarus E. Amatsu
25th July 2008 - 01:50 AM
| QUOTE (Rodney Di @ Jul 24 2008, 12:56 AM) |
| It is about abortion. My brother found out the day I wrote it that his soon to be ex wife had a scheduled abortion. This poem will forever hold how I feel whenever I think about what she did. |
(Wooo! I guessed something correctly!)
Anyway, it's great. Very solid. It could use some little tweaks (You want to finish off as strongly as possible) but it's not worth changing, as it already sounds just fine. (I'm rather attached to it the way it is...)
Thanks for submitting this!
Rodney Di
26th July 2008 - 02:53 AM
Thanks everyone. I just write how I feel and this one hit home.
Fate Shands
2nd August 2008 - 09:39 PM
I like this poem. I'm not much of a judge of poetry, but I can feel what you feel.
"Heavenly Gift
Return to sender"
That's a great line.
Hope to see you around some more?
EDIT: Post #100! Now I am immortal!
